What Happens in Couples Therapy? A Behind-the-Scenes Look

Let’s be honest, starting couples therapy can feel intimidating. You might worry about what it’s going to be like. Will we just sit and argue? Will the therapist take sides? Is this going to make things worse?

These are valid questions. And if you’re asking them, you’re not alone.

Couples therapy is not just about fixing what’s broken. It’s about learning how to better understand each other, how to communicate more effectively, and how to move forward, whether you’re in crisis or just want to strengthen your relationship.

I want to take a moment to walk you through what really happens in couples therapy and what you can expect when you work with me.

First, I Love This Work

I genuinely love couples therapy. It’s fascinating to me. There’s something powerful about helping two different people learn how to navigate life together in healthier, more connected ways.

Every relationship is unique, and I consider it an honor to be invited into that space.

My Approach Is Active and Hands-On

My style is participatory. I’m not just going to sit there quietly and nod. I come to session prepared. I review your previous notes, do my research, and come in with a game plan tailored to what you need in that moment.

I’m willing to work as hard as you are. I’ll guide you through the session with direction, structure, and tools you can start using right away.

What I Expect From You

I only ask for two things.

First, honesty. If you’re not willing to be honest, with yourself, with your partner, and with me—then we’re not going to make progress. This work requires openness, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Second, respect for your partner. That means taking turns talking, not yelling, not name-calling, and not shutting down. That’s it. Everything else we can figure out together.

You Will Get Homework

You can definitely expect to walk away from the first session with homework.

Here’s the reality, I can’t be in your back pocket during an argument, reminding you what to say or how to say it. The real work happens between sessions, in everyday moments.

In therapy, I’ll teach you tools. But outside of therapy is where you’ll practice them. That’s where the change happens.

What We’ll Work On Depends On Why You’re Here

Couples come to me for many different reasons. Here are a few examples of what we might focus on:

If conflict is your main challenge
We’ll break down your arguments, look at what’s really going on underneath, and implement new strategies to handle disagreements in a healthier, more productive way.

If communication is the issue
We’ll explore how you talk to each other, and how you listen. We’ll identify what needs to change, tweak your communication styles, and build better habits.

If you’re healing from infidelity
We’ll slow down and take the time to feel what needs to be felt. We’ll work on rebuilding trust and creating a new foundation for moving forward, whatever that looks like for you.

If you’re here for premarital counseling or relationship growth
Kudos to you. We’ll dive into values, expectations around roles, parenting, marriage, and household responsibilities. We’ll also explore ways to elevate your partnership and deepen your connection.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Every couple is different, and every relationship has its own strengths and struggles. What matters most is that you’re both willing to do the work.

The Goal Is Not Perfection—It’s Progress

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t need to come in with everything figured out. But if you’re ready to learn, grow, and commit to doing the work between sessions, therapy can absolutely help.

Couples therapy is a space for healing, growth, and connection. It’s hard work, yes. But it’s also hopeful work.

If you and your partner are ready to take that step, I’d love to walk with you.